[Otto Nobedder]

Today, my granddaughter is three.

Tomorrow, my son is 34.

[admin]

congrats Steve. thats the good stuff.

jody

[Otto Nobedder]

Thanks, Jody.

That's why I put it up. That's the good stuff.

Thanks for understanding!

[TamJeff]

34? I didn't think you were old enough to have a 34 yr old. I have a 24 year old and I am old as at least the dust from dirt. Congratulations, either way.

[AKmud]

Congrats Steve, my oldest (of four) will turn 16 on the 25th....

[weldin mike 27]

Hey,

My oldest will be 9 this year..... Its seems like i was 9 not all that long ago.....

Mick

[delraydella]

Looks like you get two pieces of birthday cake this weekend. Congratulations!

[Otto Nobedder]

Thanks, guys!

I should 'fess up... My son is actually my step-son, and I was 11 when he was born. My wife is 8 years my senior. We've never had any "step" issues... He'd known me less than two weeks when he asked if I'd mind if he called me "dad". Mind? I've never been so flattered in my life, before or since! From that day forward, he's introduced me as his dad, even when he was 16 and pissed at me.

Steve S

[TamJeff]

Good on you for stepping up. Step dad'n can be a challenge, but even kids can tell when you mean well if they have been raised decently. You probably had a house full of everyone else's kids hanging out too when he was growing up, if it's anything like my house.

[Otto Nobedder]

Oh, yeah.

My house was the "gathering place". I wouldn't let them get away with bullshit, but I WOULD let them get away with boy stuff (lots of kids from single moms). And I would mess with them, and they liked it.

[Otto Nobedder]

I blacked his eye once, playing rough in the yard. I said, "That'll be fun to explain at school!" He said, "Don't worry. I'll tell them I walked into a door or something..."

NO, YOU WILL NOT! Where the hell did he learn that?

I told him to say he was wrestling in the yard with his dad, and caught an elbow to the eye (the absolute truth). I also told him, if this embarrassed him at all, to add, "You should see dad!"

Darryl was not in my wife's custody when we met. He'd been legally adopted by an aunt, as Marie was 19 at his birth, and her fundamentalist Babtist family would not help her. The aunt disapproved of his behavior, and dragged him from doctor to doctor, until one would drug him up enough to make him "behave".

It was a challenge to get custody of him, but I made an impression on all of her family, God alone knows how, as I'm as opposite as you can imagine from their belief structure.

Enough "long story" for now.

Steve S

[TamJeff]

You have touched on one of my peeves with kids these days. I have a nephew that had been thrown under the rug and fallen through the cracks. A real attitude problem etc. He moved in with me 3 years ago, homeless. Had already been on probation and in jail. A wannabe faux gang banger with all the tattoos etc. He was 280# of pure nintendo fat and full of "whoa is me" excuses. 1 year and 100# later, you wouldn't even recognize the same kid. Got him addicted to fishing and the outdoors and around real men who don't do nonsense. Now he is on his own and works full time in construction and is aspiring to put himself through trade school. It didn't take anything but time spent and not cutting any slack for BS.

Kids need their parents to be exactly that. My home has been a single parent household for 16 years. The ex tried her hand at it for awhile and my own sons were in danger of falling through the same cracks but you wouldn't know it now. Now that 'we're' all grown they laugh when they say. . ."the old man got eyes in the back of his head and he don't take any crap." I whipped my kids' ass one time (sounds cliche, I know) with a switch (10 each) when they first lived with me for getting kicked out of day care and after the crying stopped, they actually came out and apologized to me. We never had another instance and they became favorites of their teachers and caretakers nearly overnight.

Nephew


Youngest son


Eldest son


There's an apparent pattern depicted here. One on one time and time spent being a dad first and foremost. I am proud to say I have raised young "men." It just meant I didn't get to waste time discovering myself or chasing a midlife crisis. Somehow, and with great relief, I am not feeling like I made any great sacrifices or missed out on anything and actually managed to enjoy the process.

[Otto Nobedder]

My boy spent age 2-13 in a lower-middle class triler park half-full of retirees in Merritt Island, FL. in the care of his elderly bible-thumping aunt who couldn't keep up with a hyper boy. So, naturally, with little adults influence he found trouble with other under-parented boys his age.

Coming to my home in southern MO was real culture shock, but he soon discovered that camping, fishing, and shooting were great fun.

As for behavior, at 13 and just entering puberty, it was too late for physical disciple; at that age it's too likely to create resentments and do more harm than good, so I took an approach of blunt honesty. When he messed up, I told so in the bluntest terms, including why it was wrong, and the harm it did or could have caused to himself and others. I took the same approach to all things. When it was time for the sex talk, I didn't hem and haw about birds and bees; He got the unvarnished truth. Same with drugs (unfortunately, I have some authority on the subject, but it gave me the perspective to be bluntly honest without being a hypocrite).

This whole "touchy-feely" approach to parenting that started with Dr. Spock (who's son committed suicide, BTW) has turned parenting, where it exists at all, into an attempt to be the child's "buddy", which only rarely works. Few children naturally have empathy, it must be taught. Shielding a child from pain, whether physical or emoational, prevents them from learning how their actions affect others.

Enough ranting for now I've got to go to the store.

Steve S

[TamJeff]

I agree with you, Otto. It's really not that difficult. Seems that nowadays parents have one eye on the prozac bottle and the other on suicide watch. Now we have school shootings and kids hiding behind either the victim card, or on the other end of the spectrum as self absorbed sociopaths. You look on facebook and it's all about attitude, as if they have been out battling a cruel world for decades, when in fact they have been at home eating cake and pudding. Admittedly, I was not born a natural parent. . .I had no idea what to do. The only thing that made sense is what my parents, or better yet, grandparents had taught by example, along with a modicum of common sense.

Nowadays, we have middle school aged kids making "lifestyle choices" like adults, and parents trying to stay 16 years old. Not trying to turn your positive thread into a rant fest here, but if you have a good relationship with your step kids, it's obvious you figured it out. I partied hard all the way up until my first son was born. I was so intimidated by the thought of being responsible for a child, it was the first thing I could no longer enjoy doing seemingly overnight. It's different when you only have yourself to think about.