[cornmuse]

I ran across this in another forum:

>>
>> Tools Explained
>>
>> DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
>> metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest
>> and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
>> project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could
>> get to it.
>>
>> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
>> under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes
>> fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time
>> it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
>>
>> SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
>>
>> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
>> of blood-blisters.
>>
>> BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
>> touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
>>
>> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
>> principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
>> motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
>> dismal your future becomes.
>>
>> VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
>> heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
>> intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>>
>> OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
>> flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
>> grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing
>> race.
>>
>> TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
>> projectiles for testing wall integrity.
>>
>> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
>> after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
>> handle firmly under the bumper.
>>
>> BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
>> cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
>> the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
>> outside edge.
>>
>> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
>> of everything you forgot to disconnect.
>>
>> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
>> lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
>> on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
>> Phillips screw heads.
>>
>> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
>> convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
>> your palms.
>>
>> PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
>> bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>>
>> HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
>>
>> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
>> used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
>> adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
>>
>> UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
>> cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
>> well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
>> bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
>> parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in
>> use.
>>
>>
>>
>> Hope you found this informative.
>>
>>

. . . . . -corn-

[Greg From K/W]

Ya I saw that before but its still a hoot to review the alternative uses of tools.

[delraydella]

[weldin mike 27]

Hi there,

Great stuff for a laugh, Gunna print it and take it to work

mick